Gardens hang from your smile, dear
by Rinusagitora
Summary: Oneshot. Platonic KarinHina-centric, familial IchiKarin, RenShuuKiraHina. Canon divergent, post TYBW arc. Mentions of depression, suicidal ideation, & relationship violence. /What is done is done. What is left is healing./


It was strange to be in her barracks instead of her office at noon. Seven years after that man's imprisonment and still her blood chilled as she approached every corner as if he laid in wait just beyond. Five years since the Quincy invasion and she still reached for Tobiume with every audible thump.

On occasion, she liked to think she had come to terms with her haunters. Unpleasant company, unarguably, but she was a grown woman with more important things to attend to. But she had been wrong in the past. Shuuhei always reassured her that grief was a process.

She wondered, as she always did as she observed others, what their haunters were. That girl was no exception.

As pale as Karin was, she imagined that youth's haunters were as nightmarish as her own. She hoped they were different though, and she hoped that if they were similar that it had nothing to do with that Kurosaki boy. She had already lost so much faith in the respectable, she feared one more betrayal of virtue would have destroyed her trust altogether.

All that misery, and that poor thing must've been so overwhelmed by the pace of everything. So much newness in such a short period must have left her breathless.

She was the moral sort. She couldn't have left that young thing so blind and helpless.

"Karin-chan," she announced, "it's hardly productive to sit here and bake in silence. The fifth division has the most beautiful garden. How'd you feel to tour through it with me? Ooh, and there's this cozy spot by this little pond with koi we could stop and have lunch at. We can even feed the fish, if you like."

Karin's starlight gaze turned to her. That youth wasn't emotive despite the sparkle those ephemeral-colored eyes were capable of, much like their mutually endeared Toushirou, but the bags under Karin's eyes told her that poor thing was emotionally drained to emptiness. It took ages of hurt and lies, she knew, to have reached such stage of exhaustion.

"A garden?" Karin said finally.

"It's the most beautiful place in the entire Seireitei- not that I'm biased or anything. I almost wish Izuru was the more romantic sort and proposed we marry there instead of over breakfast." Almost.

"A garden." Karin iterated. "Like a hedge maze? A-are there flowers?

"It's a little bit like a hedge maze. It's not really a maze in the traditional sense, since the flora is so low, but there are a number of walkways and too many blossoming flowers to name. It's most beautiful in June since everything is in full bloom."

Karin stared at her dainty toes. Aloof as she was, from Toushirou's past testaments of Karin's behavior, she seemed… dazed. Not the noisy, quick on her toes street fighter. Shock, most certainly.

"... alright," Karin answered.

She frowned as that youth stood in that raggedy yukata. Those hardly befit a lunch date in a beautiful garden.

"Let's get you out of that hideous thing, Karin-chan. I have something cuter you may fit in." She said, and then paused. "Nay, first we prepare lunch. I'd hate to stain those pretty yukata. Is there anything you'd like? Preferably nothing I'd have to cook, since it'll go cold, but if you're dying for some warm comfort food I suppose we could figure out a way to reheat it."

"... udon," Karin responded.

"I can make udon." She replied. "Can you fetch my pager out of my bedroom so I can text everybody about lunch? You can pick a yukata from my closet and set it out too, if you'd like."

"A-alright,"

She hummed as she pulled rice and egg noodles from her cabinets, much like how her grandmother hummed when she was a child. How old she had grown. But she was a happier old lady, with gentle husbands and good friends and her family was whole once again. She was perfectly fine with old age.

Karin deposited her soul pager beside the sink a minute later. She wiped her hands on her pajama yukata and picked it up. "I'd love some help if you'd like. Cooking has always been a family activity for me- just ask 'Shirou-chan. Truthfully, it was how we started speaking again."

"I-I'm not good at cooking." Karin uttered shyly.

"So I've been told. But you won't be cooking, darling. Toushirou tells me you're very talented with a knife. You can cut vegetables." She smiled. "Those are relatively phallic vegetables. Picture then as your least favorite person's cock and testicles and just start cutting."

She turned from Karin's expression of mild horror to the stove.

"S-so… why did you Toushirou stop talking to each other?" Karin asked.

"My ex husband was… controlling, put simply. I was his plaything. He didn't want me spending time with my loved ones because it would jeopardize my idolization of him."

"I-I'm sorry. I don't mean to drudge up bad memories…."

"It's quite fine. It's not something I mind disclosing any longer, it's others gossiping about my past love life that peeves me." She explained.

"... my sister," Karin began moments later, "makes the best udon. I remember that Ichi and I got into this huge fucking fight when he found Jinta and Ururu in my room 'cause he didn't want me talking to anybody connected with shinigami. Yuzu made us settle it over udon."

That was the first Karin had brought up anything about the Kurosaki. Toushirou had asked for that topic to never be touched on due to its sensitive nature. She wasn't sure what sort of sign it was if Karin brought them up of her own volition. Good, she hoped.

By the way Karin referred to her brother so fondly- Ichi, with that yearnful croak- told her so much. That girl had been deeply betrayed time after time but loved too much to hate, and that Karin's suicide possibly was her best out. A cruel thing to say, but Kurosaki had his powers for almost a decade and if that boy hadn't told her a single thing in that period, in Karin's shoes with the sort of potential that possessed, she wouldn't have seen any other path either.

That made it so much more tragic. She knew how awfully a broken family ached.

She wondered if that was the first Karin and Kurosaki had ever truly spoken. She wondered if it was the last too. By Karin's sniff, it wouldn't have come as a surprise.

"W-were you and… and that man married? Like, legally?"

"No, it was part of his game, I guess you could say." She said. "He told me shinigami weren't allowed to marry between each other, and that we had to keep our relationships a secret in order to avoid separation. It was a lie, of course, likely designed to make more loyal to him so I wouldn't rat him out when he lost his temper in the future."

"What a monster."

"Undoubtedly," she smiled some unspecific smile. It was a habit when she was saddened or numb. Izuru told her it was a terrible habit, but Shuuhei said it served her well. Neither told her exactly why. "That's good for the carrots. You cut those up nicely. 'Shirou-chan can't cut so evenly, you know. He's got some competition."

"Nonsense…." Karin mumbled bashfully.

"You know I'm right!" She sang. She was glad that youth had finally smiled though, however slight it was. Those cheeks were too round to be so torpid and those eyes too gorgeous to be so doleful.

"Shuuhei took me out on this date a few years back before we were all together, in the exact garden we'll be in actually. He baked and decorated the most beautiful cake for me. It was this little thing that fit on an appetizer plate, draped in white fondant and rose pink piping with the most precious buttercream azalea flowers on the top. I knew with my first bite that I was in love with Shuuhei, just the same as I was with Renji and Izuru." She laughed wistfully. "From that time on, I've firmly associated flowers and food with love of all sorts. Food has healed my family life, my romantic life, my friendships, and I cannot help but compare the beauty of such love to flowers."

Karin paused as she diced potatoes, and then resumed. That youth was as intelligent as Toushirou claimed, if she had put two and two together.

She hummed into the wordlessness, like a content old lady. From the corner of her eye, she watched as Karin mouthed the lyrics to that ancient melody. She was glad Toushirou had shared that with Karin. She hoped he bothered to tell her that their grandmother once lulled them to sleep with it.

"We allow those to boil now. Come, we must pretty ourselves up!" She chirped.

"O-okay,"

Karin had draped one of her yukata over her vanity mirror. It was one of her favorites- pink with dark grey snow-capped mountains. It was a surprise gift from Izuru for her first birthday they were together. It was also his last surprise gift, as it was a tad large on her petite frame, but it suite Karin splendidly. Pastels suited the deathly pale. She hoped some color returned to that youth's complexion before long. Vibrant color suited vibrant people.

"I'd loan you my undergarments, but I doubt they'd fit you." She sighed as she folded her yukata over Karin's front. "Remind Izuru to bring you shopping. I can come with you if you'd like, but he's the only one with the financial ability to stock an entire wardrobe. Bras are especially expensive in the Soul Society. We're still so archaic here."

"I'm… I'm really sorry." Karin said.

"For what?"

"I come out of nowhere and start mooching off you guys. It's gotta be a pain."

"Nonsense, it's no issue. We'll take care of you until you can take care of yourself. Soon enough, you'll be more than capable of financially supporting yourself." She responded.

Karin was silent as she folded her obi, and still silent as she donned on her own yukata. It made her wonder if that daze was actually a maelstrom of thoughts. The cerebral ones were often the saddest, but those were also the easiest to persuade.

There was a short wait after they finished dressing, and then they packed up lunch in a wicker basket and walked side-by-side to the fifth's garden.

She was adamant the garden's air was cleaner. The Seireitei wasn't polluted by any means, but the garden smelled sweeter and she was certain she was headier when she sat among the plants. That garden was one of the few places Aizen never took her to. A superstitious part of her thought such beauty repelled those hideous of heart. It was like a world of its own, the closest she ever came to Heaven.

She sat the basket on the grass and sat at the edge of the pond so that they may flick pellets at the koi.

"I-it's really nice here." Karin said. "Tranquil,"

"It really is." She sighed pleasantly. "Everybody should be here in about thirty minutes or so. Can you wait that long?"

"Yeah," Karin replied.

She sighed once again as she gazed upon the flowers. Beautiful things, as beautiful as her loved ones. The perfect spot for lunch, to relive every good moment.

"One time," Karin began ever-so softly, "when Yuzu and I were nine, we wanted to go to the park. Our dad made Ichi come with us because we were so young. There were a bunch of dandelions all over the place so we picked them and my sister taught us how to make flower crowns. Ichi gave his crown to me. I remember that being the very first time I knew just how much I loved my brother."

And with firsts came lasts. The in-between ached most in the moment, but the good memories were the worst in hindsight.

"How about you fetch some flowers? Your hair is gorgeous, Karin-chan. I would be delighted if you allowed me to weave it." She said then.

Karin stared unreadably before she stood. "Can I use the basket?"

"Of course."

Karin made a bee-line for the roses. It was cute to watch that youth's gaze examine the blossoms and pluck only the fullest, and then only the largest baby's breath. And when Karin returned, she set the basket beside her legs and sat on her legs before the pond.

"A splendid combination. Red and white best complement black, in my opinion." She commended as she combed her fingers through curtains of Karin's silky, voluminous hair. "There's something sassy but classy about it. It suits you."

Karin silently watched the koi as she began to weave. That youth received compliments about as gracefully as Toushirou.

"... he was kinda late to one of my games once. I-Ichi that is." Karin told her. "It was just, like, ten minutes so I tried not to freak out about it. But the next time he was half an hour late. And then eventually he just… stopped coming. And then we saw each other less and less after he entered pre-med school." Karin curled her legs to her chest then. "Logically, I know he's got duties as a substitute shinigami and pre-med takes up a lot of your time, but, like… I feel like he pushed us aside. We got into this huge fucking argument, like, a year and a half ago. I told him I wanted to fucking die because I mean shit to everybody and he literally just told me I wasn't allowed to die. That was literally it. He didn't even check up on me afterwards." Karin sniffed and wiped her face on her sleeve. "And then after I did die, he's got the gall to fucking cry like he didn't see it fucking coming."

She was unsurprised, of course. "The most respectable are often the most flawed. It's because we expect perfection out of them, so their blunders hurt exponentially more." She told Karin. "I absolutely understand your perspective, however. I cannot speak for your brother's intentions, but in hindsight he was certainly unhelpful to your plight."

Karin was perfectly silent again, a strange contrast to how she trembled. Had she not heard the bamboo flute hit the rock and water splash into the pond, she would've wondered if she had lost her hearing.

She hoped Karin's joy was louder than her misery.

"The Kira family owns this impressive library with books from all corners of the earth. Izuru's mother was a collector. From what I've read from their collection, roses symbolize love in the west, and baby's breath symbolizes innocence. I like this combination even more knowing that. It means unconditional love." She confessed. "Karin-chan, we're family now. We will always be here for you. We'll work out our problems, and we'll create the most beautiful memories.

Karin's starlight gaze turned to her. There was a glimmer of something, hope and doubt, but it was a start. She knew actions proved more than words.

"Momo! Karin-chan!"

They looked to the path that lead to the pond. Renji and Izuru jogged towards them, the former adorned with a handsome grin. Her boys bent and kissed her cheeks, and then Renji kneeled and cheerfully asked about Karin's- uneventful- day. He made a fantastic husband, of course he made a good brother.

Izuru sat on the grass beside them and then passed Karin her bowl of udon. That gaze of Karin's was less skeptical as she slowly turned from Izuru to her lunch.

They all knew healing was a process. There was a beginning, and the end, for once, wasn't so bad.


End file.
